It feels like I just took a final exam. Since some of you haven’t experienced walking out of a final exam at Wellesley, there’s this moment when you walk outside after, that you can’t believe the world can be so still when your brain is still going a million miles an hour. It’s a surreal moment. And there’s a sense of freedom, and relief, slowly emerging.
No, I’m not taking finals at the end of September. I just finished recording an hour of video audition footage for the Danish Royal Academy of Music. It was a crazy experience. First I had the room reserved, and then apparently I needed faculty supervision…so what was going to be an audition prep lesson morphed into the audition itself within ten minutes. First I knew the recording equipment I was going to borrow, and then all of a sudden it wasn’t available anymore. So in just two hours I collected the camera, learned how to use it, got permission to use the room, converted my lesson into an audition, and recorded an hour’s worth of difficult classical music trying to focus on getting each note perfect. Are you getting the final exam comparison yet? I’ll be honest, it was stressful, as auditions are, and there were a few tears involved.
But I felt like a real Wellesley student in that moment, walking down the steps of Jewett Arts Center and into the late-September sunshine. Because I just made that audition happen. Once more, I had made the audition happen without agonizing over every little detail that may or may not have gone wrong. The preparation was done. It had been accumulating for nearly a year. Chasing the perfect run-through was no good. This playing was honest and my own.
And everything was still
Now, I’m sitting in the sun in an Adirondack chair looking out onto the lake, in an area I affectionately think of as Wellesley’s beach. The lake is sparkling and gorgeous and still. Already, I can feel myself beginning to relax again, to still with it. The freedom and relief stage is kicking in. Yes, I still have to listen to and edit the recordings together, and yes, I’m probably going to cringe hearing myself play while I do that. But the hard part is done. And I’m happy.
I’m going to leave it at that, but I want to share with you these pictures from the North Shore beach that my friends and I visited this weekend. It was perfect, and we chased seagulls like the mature Wellesley women we are. If I could leave you with a lesson from the past week, it would be to spend more time chasing seagulls, and less time chasing perfection.
look at this nature shot, not at all staged by chasing seagulls strategically so they flew over the water
Ever lovely yours,
Eleanor