Friends and Family

Hello readers :).

Hope you’re all doing well! Friday at 4 pm was the start of my spring break, and it’s amazing just to have some time to sit by myself and listen to the voices in my own head. I’m sure we all have internal monologues going on, but mine is particularly loud, so I like to let it dominate the conversation every once and a while :).

Whew, what a long two weeks! I felt like I was working at my 100%—and being efficient is rather exhausting. The problem is that I wasn’t able to produce “A”-worthy work all the way through. I was plotting the curves in my head, and if x-axis is “time spent working on an assignment” and the y-axis is “percent effort,” I find it to be a logarithmic curve… meaning that I’m getting decreasing returns for my time after I hit a certain number of hours. What ended up happening was that I produced about 85-90%-effort work on everything—which is great, because I wasn’t uncomfortable with the quality I turned in—but it would be great to be able to devote 100% to a project. In high school I was able to pull crazy hours to make something as perfect as I wanted it to be (and I was correspondingly obsessed with the grades) but I feel my standards are dropping a bit, as I’m trying to balance doing everything I want to do. My work is now good enough, but not perfect.

It’s like Prof. Conway always tells me—you need to carefully evaluate your priorities and interests, because from now on your time is your most valuable resource. And it’s much better to do a small number of things very well, than do a large number of think all right.

The problem is, I don’t know what I can drop. I already feel I’m down to my core—taking four classes (I wish I had a choice on that one. I would love to devote a full semester to each of my classes by themselves), doing research, exercise, blogging. Any extra time goes towards going to lectures, which I love attending, spending time with friends, administrative things (planning ahead is surprisingly time-consuming), and, most recently, self-reflection. I feel that last one is what’s really cutting my time right now, as I’ve been devoting an disproportionate amount of time to writing essays and applying for internships, discovering who I am and what my goals are. Self-knowledge isn’t just a task you can put off, to work on for a few hours at a later date. It’s something that needs to happen continuously, especially at my age, when we have the great fortune to be surrounded by opportunities and life choices, and must make decisions towards where we want to move in the future.

In conclusion, I’m sad that my whole life doesn’t revolve around grades anymore. In high school, (which was two years ago! In many ways, I feel like I’ve been here forever, and in other ways, I feel like I just left) all of my effort could go to achieving those As. Here, I can put in the same amount of effort and easily not receive those As. I need to try harder, because the people here all come from similar backgrounds as mine. And that trying harder is something I’m still getting used to, because you come to a point where it can’t just be about grades; you have to take some time for the rest of your life. Moreover, something even more startling is that my future won’t rely on my grades. My academics will have to meet a baseline, but it is the people I work with and the quality of research I do that will make or break my job applications in the future. I’m sensing a shift in my priorities, and I feel that it is necessary, but I’m still a bit mournful to see it go.

Ah well—time management is something I think I will always struggle with :). I seem to have an uncontrollable compunction to maximize my time, so I imagine I will always have to struggle with not doing too much. I need to have time to generate the enthusiasm and passion for what I do, and learn to live in the moment. These are all goals to work on, but I need to remind myself sometimes that hey, you’re a sophomore in college. Calm down. You have one life to live… enjoy it 🙂.

And on that topic, I am writing this in the airport, on my way to San Jose! It is our spring break, and so I invited three of my friends to take a trip to San Jose, CA, to stay in my uncle Bill’s condo for a week. I’m sure you all know Tiffany, Gabby, and Suman by this point– they’re my swimming and diving friends, and we roomed together on our winter trip to Puerto Rico. We all brought plane tickets during Winterssesion, made it through security (I didn’t get stopped this time! Unusual for me :)), and are glomming on the internet, ready to head out to Salt Lake City where our layover is. Before this, Tiffany picked us up from Wellesley, and her mom took us out to chinese food. Tiffany’s grandmother also is treating us to a meal, so she gave us money for when we take the train to San Francisco. I told them we’d better use it for dimsum, and how about we make it a goal to not eat any typically American food when we’re over there…. it’s a great thing that Tiffany and Gabby both speak Chinese, Suman’s parents are Indian, and I’ve been raised on Chinese food :).

Once in CA, we’ll be taking the train and buses to wherever we want to go! We don’t have plans yet, so please send recommendations if you happen to know the area :). My aunt and her family live there, so they’re probably going to take us out some day, and Suman’s parents are driving up from SoCal (I’d never heard of this before Wellesley, but apparently SoCal (South CA) and Nor/NoCal is a thing :)) to see her sometime too. I’m excited for her—it’s been a while since she’s seen her family, as it is for most of us. I told her the homesickness comes and goes, but it’s much easier once you’ve made it past first semester, and even easier after that once you’re in second year :).

In terms of school, I unfortunately did not get the Beckman scholarship :(. However, my friend Katherine did, so I’m glad for her! I’m now doing another application, and I’ll let you know how that one goes if I get it—I’ve just been told that my essay needs more passion. I’m a bit out of passion at the moment, but I have faith that ‘twill be regenerated :). This is my first vacation just with friends (and family :)), and I hope there are many more in future!

Hm, as I look across at lobby now, I think it’s about time I go hang out with friends :). I walked away so I could write this blog and concentrate, but I should take my own advice and enjoy the place I am now :). Thanks so much for commenting on my last blog—I love that my friends, family, and complete strangers read my writing and come back. I am blessed, and I thank you so much!

Best to you all, and I’m serious about those recommendations :). Cheers!

Monica