(From left to right) Me, Giulia, Fuyuto, and Amy taking a picture together after our last concert together as a group
It’s the last week of classes. It feels surreal that we are going through another round of “lasts” rather than “firsts.” Last Monday class schedule, last Tuesday internship shuttle, last classes of each course – all these “lasts” feel like they are slipping through my fingers, a fleeting sense that my sophomore year is coming to an end. There are friends that I will not see for a semester, two semesters, or more than a year because of our study abroad plans. I find it difficult to look forward to all the unknowns of study abroad when I’m leaving behind the familiar friends that I’ve grown to call home this year. I know that it will be an interesting change of scenery, and that I will be able to send my friends funny postcards. But, it is slowly sinking in that a semester is both short and invaluable – it is one less semester to spend with my friends who will be graduating in 2023, three or four fewer months to make plans with and eat meals with all these people who we met by chance here at Wellesley. Despite these worries, I want to try to enjoy the present while it lasts and look towards the future with an open mind. I will meet new friends abroad and come back to old friends with more emotional maturity than I have now; four months is nothing in the entire scope of our lives even if keeping in touch post graduation would be more difficult; I will grow as a person abroad and come back with more knowledge on how to preserve friendships and know better what happiness looks like for me.
This past week, there have been many moments where I found myself learning how to make the most of the little time we have left. Last Wednesday night was my quartet’s Chamber Music Society concert. We had been a quintet last semester and now, as a quartet, it felt bittersweet to perform our pieces at our best, knowing that half of us would be going abroad and that one of us would be graduating next December. Despite that, we concentrated on our performance, letting our four instruments merge to sing one song. Of course we each had little blips and mistakes that are funny in hindsight, but more importantly, when rewatching our livestream, there were so many moments where we sounded so beautiful it made me smile. I learned so much playing with Giulia, Fuyuto, and Amy, and I could only hope to play with them again or watch their recitals someday.
On Saturday night, I performed solo with Professor David Collins playing piano accompaniment for the first time at an informal Works in Progress Concert. It was really a formative experience. I went in thinking I was so prepared, immediately lost confidence listening to everyone else playing so beautifully, then became so nervous that I forgot to tighten my bow, missed runs and high notes, rushed and missed entire phrases, etc. It was terrifying, but even in the panic I tried to remember what it was like to enjoy playing this piece by myself in the practice room. Perhaps some of that enjoyment came across because my friends who came to listen were so incredibly supportive – I’m grateful that they took time out of their Saturday nights to come hear me play. As days after that concert pass by, I am trying to draw myself out of that hole of fruitless self-criticism and rather into practicing more and talking to my insanely talented friends who also get nervous pre-performance to make sure I perform better next time. I guess all that “growth mindset” talk in high school health classes had some use after all.
I’m really so glad to be able to learn from so many talented musicians around me – Kana Yamada is one of them. She is a wonderful pianist who played with me in a trio in my first year. I am left in awe every time I hear her play. We hung out that Saturday night, chatting about performing and life. The next Sunday morning, I went to her Outreach Concert at a nearby church where she played solo and with her chamber group. It was a sunny day too – as we left the service arm in arm, chatting about whatever came to mind and making our way to Bates to grab lunch, I found myself happier than I’ve been in the last few days. My friends mean so much to me – I hesitate to let them go. I think I will join some eboard teams for some clubs just to interact with those friends more. I hope to make as many memories as possible before we part ways to embark on the next phases of our lives.
(From left to right) Fuyuto, Me, Giuliua, and Amy playing the first movement of Borodin’s String Quartet No. 2 in D Major (Picture Credits to Subi Simmons)
(From left to right) Amy, Tatiana, and I 🙂 w/ flowers that she gave us!