Hello blog, and happy Wednesday!
This has been a bit of a weird week for me. If you’ve read my last couple of blog posts, you probably know that I’ve been struggling with trying to do it all this semester, and in the past week that really caught up to me. If I were to go for a metaphor, I’d say I’ve been rapidly losing control while trying to cartwheel down a hill for the past month, and I finally hit the bottom of the hill. It’s time to stop saying that I’m going to make it work and finally start making some changes.
Last week on Thursday the power went out at Wellesley for a full afternoon and evening, and I ended up being the only RA in the New Dorms at the time. This was a very stressful experience that I won’t get into, but I’ve been reflecting a lot about it with the res staff in the past week and I’ve realised how easily that could have been my breaking point. While it was happening I was in full crisis mode so I didn’t really process any of the situation, but afterwards it really hit me how scary and serious that could have turned out to be and how I would not have had anyone to help me. Since then, I’ve really started to think more about taking care of myself. If I’m one stress away from breaking, there’s no chance I’ll be able to do my job and account for others in tough situations, because I won’t be able to handle them myself. It’s like that one oxygen mask metaphor; if you try to help everyone else put on their oxygen mask before you put on your own, you’ll pass out before you can do anyone any good.
Today in particular has been a very tough day. I’ve finally called it quits on my five course schedule and withdrawn from Poetics of the Body, which was not something I had even considered doing before dinnertime today but the minute one of my RA friends brought it up I knew it was what I had to do. It’s really hard for me to quit anything, but at the end of the day I wasn’t going to get anything out of the course if I was stretching myself this thin, and I think the extra time I save by not being in the class will be much more beneficial than anything I could have squeezed out of it by spending the bare minimum of time doing the work for it. I just have to keep reminding myself that this isn’t giving up, no matter how much it might feel like it. I’m also taking an extension for my Shakespeare paper due tomorrow; we have five flex days to use throughout the semester, and I’m going to use one of them and write my paper when I feel a little more settled. I’m still planning to turn it in before Fall Break hits, though; I want to be able to enjoy my time off without worrying about a looming deadline.
I think this blog post in general has been a bit of a downer so far, but I think it’s important to be honest about the parts of the Wellesley experience- and the college experience in general- that aren’t always fantastic. Yes, I have a lot of friends and a lot of fun and interesting classes and supportive professors, but I’m also a nineteen year old trying to figure out who I am and how I fit into the world, and that comes with a lot of mistakes and some occasional headaches and heartaches. No matter where you end up, your college experience isn’t going to be all sunshine and rainbows all the time, but it is always going to be important and meaningful, even in those low moments.
To end this post on a high note, here’s a list of fun things I’m planning to do over Fall Break:
- Karaoke Night in the McAfee Dining Room!
- Guild of Carillonneurs road trip to a conference in a nearby town!
- Sight-seeing with my grandparents, who are visiting Boston over break!
- Screening a premiere of Muppets Haunted Mansion in the Bates Living Room!
- Knitting!
- Reading for fun!
- Napping!
- Sleeping in late!
- Cheering on my friend Katharine, who’s running in the Boston Marathon!
- Going to Truly’s for ice cream in the Ville!
Sending you joy,
Andrew
P.S. The header image is from a Bates Floor Program on Sunday; we watched Mean Girls to celebrate October 3rd!