I have been a CAMS major for three semesters. In this time I have experienced a phenomenon that I like to call THE QUESTION AND RESPONSE (Katie and Lily touched upon it in their post The Odyssey of a CAMS Student). On the surface it’s an innocuous exchange between two people, but upon further inspection it highlights all the major points that Katie and Lily wrote about. It usually goes like this:
Person: What’s your major?
Me: I’m a CAMS major!
Person: Oh, that’s cool. What do you want to do with that?
Me: I don’t know.
This interaction can be broken down into three parts. The First: “Oh, that’s cool.”
The second “what are you going to do with that.” And the third: “I don’t know.”
- The First: “Oh, that’s cool.”
What I’m sure is meant to be a harmless comment about how fun my major sounds, starts to sound like condescension after a couple of these exchanges. Yes, I am a CAMS major. Yes, I do watch a lot of movies for homework. No, my major is not any less work than yours. I have papers and projects and tests to study for.
My first CAMS class was taken for fun. While I continue to believe that my classes are enjoyable, my initial amusement-based interest has morphed into a sincere academic pursuit.
I think this is an example of “transcendental homelessness.” People, Wellesley College administrators and students, friends and family, don’t really know where to place us within the context of academia. I think CAMS is one of the most interdepartmental majors out there, and when people ask me what I study I am sometimes at a loss for words. It’s hard to give a definitive answer. I think Katie and Lily said it best: “The capability of being fluid is essential as a CAMS major at Wellesley.”
- The Second: “What you want to do with that?”
I wonder if Econ majors get asked this question as much as we do. As Katie and Lily put it, “we cannot have concrete answers about our futures.” I think people know this when they ask this question. They want us to acknowledge, in their presence for some reason, that the odds are against us in the film business. They are right. Success, unfortunately, is not imminent. To paraphrase Katei and Lily again, we are, mostly, female film students at a liberal arts college that does not have best production facilities. On top of that, we are trying to enter an industry where men tend to be in positions of power and the “connection” is king.
- The Third: “I don’t know.”
This is where things get personal. In all honesty, I usually lie in response to this question. I know what I want to be, but have a hard time articulating it because of my own insecurities in the face of the previous question. I want be a filmmaker: a person who makes films. What better way to articulate a dream than on a public forum via homework assignment? So to answer the question posed at the end of Katie and Lily’s post my monoliths are at the moment few and far between. All I have right now is a tentative passion and a sense that I could possibly be good at something. This is not a feeling I have experienced a lot in life, so I find myself questioning it and cherishing simultaneously. I would also list Wellesley College as a monolith. Without it I wouldn’t be on this CAMS fueled existential journey.
On that note here is a link to my Odyssey film: