Because Chimuanya had three other essays to write for her other classes, I extended the deadline for her first draft. Today in class we reviewed her outline thus far, refined her thesis statement, looked for examples in the articles that she could use to support her points, and structured the progression of her argument. This allowed me to observe how Chimuanya works while writing. She is a perfectionist-type writer, wanting to get wordings exactly right before moving forward. Sometimes I had us jump ahead to continue making progress, and then go back over hang-ups later. It was easier this way, because her ideas were more developed so she had a better idea of what she wanted to say. Overall her outline looked strong; I am optimistic about the first draft.
Journal entry, 2/23
Monday, February 18
Yesterday with Shruthi we went over MLA format, talked about how she should structure her introduction, reviewed what a three-part thesis is, and how she would apply the formula to her essay. In reading her rough draft, her arguments either jumped from one place to another or rambled on, so I talked with her about adding structure to her paragraphs: starting with some introductory statements, providing background information to the reader and defining terms; then launching into her argument and supporting it with examples from the text; then explaining the significance of the argument and relating it to her thesis statement. Shruthi had a lot of enthusiasm for my recommendations, but I am curious to what extent she will carry through.
Wednesday, February 20
Today I began on a harsher note by telling Shruthi that she would need to put more time and effort into this course in order to receive credit for it. She seemed to understand my message, and I have noted an increase in her effort since. We did an in-depth editing session, based on the comments I had given her on the first draft. Her paragraphs lacked structure, and so we talked about adding distinct introductory and concluding statements for each, as well as how she should go about providing evidence and details. (I used Bean’s “going up and down the ladder of abstraction” model.) Later on in the session we realized that her argument would be stronger if she swapped the order of her paragraphs, so we worked on making the appropriate adjustments from that change, in addition to edits clarifying diction and syntax. Since then, she has sent me an edited second draft which shows marked improvement. I have sent her back comments, and expect a third draft from her by tomorrow.
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