“Cause I, I’m in love
With my future
Can’t wait to meet her
And I, I’m in love
But not with anybody else
Just wanna get to know myself”
If you know me at all (or if you read my first post on this blog!), you know that I surely do stan Billie Eilish. For years, I’ve loved the depth of her music, the beauty of her lyrics, the effortlessness of her talents, the boldness of her fashion style in today’s popular culture, and the personal growth she’s shared with her fan base since she was 14 years old. I know every word of all of her songs, I can describe every music video she’s ever released, and I could even recall the exact order of songs on her debut album, “When We All Fall Asleep, Where Do We Go?” Between Christmases and my birthdays, my friends have gotten me Billie’s “blohsh” brand hoodies, shirts, and her logo necklace. I’ve seen her in concert once already, and I had pit seat tickets to her Boston show that was scheduled for the week after we had to evacuate Wellesley’s campus (but thankfully it was postponed to a still undetermined date). I teared up watching her perform at Coachella, and also when she made Grammy history by being the youngest person to ever sweep the 4 main categories. My friends have had to ask me several times to “just please play anything other than Billie” when I’m on aux. I’m so proud of the journey of self love she’s been on in the last 4 years, and I can’t wait to see where it continues to take her, should she choose to keep sharing it with the world.
So… after nine long weeks, I’m finally using one of her songs for a blog post! I’m sure my friends are just as shocked as I am. Every week, I try to write about something that is genuinely swirling around in my mind, compelling me to share it. But to be honest with you all, for most of this week, I felt a bit uninspired. I had no idea what I wanted to unpack, or what would be meaningful to post at this very moment. And then, on Thursday evening, Billie dropped her first new single since February: “my future.”
At the risk of turning this entire post into a fan review, I do just want to share with you all why this song is so special to me. I’ve expressed in previous posts (see BUTTERFLY EFFECT and Treat People With Kindness) that I don’t really know what my role on this Earth is yet. But the truth is, the last couple of weeks have been a turning point for me in that investigation of thought. While I don’t claim to know exactly what the future holds for me, I do know now, more than ever, what I want it to look and feel like. Conversations I’ve had this week with people close to me (hi Mom, Jada, Emily, Anthony and James!) have reminded me of my core values, my strengths, and my passions. I know what areas I want to grow in, and what I want my steps after Wellesley to ideally be. I’ve never been this ready, and excited, for my future.
So it seems that Billie has released this song at quite the perfect time for me (fully acknowledging that the release of the song has nothing to do with me, as she has absolutely no idea who I am, but it does feel nice to pretend sometimes). The lyrics I shared at the beginning of this post make up the simple, yet profound, chorus to the song. How beautiful a sentiment: to have a romantic relationship with the version of yourself you’ve yet to meet, and to promise to nurture your current you, until the two converge.
Are you in love with your future? What questions are left for you to answer, and what parts of yourself are left for you to explore before you can be?
A beginning scene of Billie’s “my future” music video, released with the single on all streaming platforms simultaneously.
An ending from Billie’s “my future” music video, released with the single on all streaming platforms simultaneously.
Here’s to “my future” and yours,
Tatiana ‘21