If I had to pick a theme for the semester so far, it’ll probably be purpose.
Last weekend was family and friends weekend, and my Dad who lives in New York came up to Boston for a couple of days. We went out for dinner in the city on Friday, and I had the opportunity to meet some of his colleagues as well as members of the Boston Chapter of ALPFA (Association of Latino Professionals for America). I am so used to associating myself with my Asian heritage, it was such a new and differently empowering experience to be in a room full of Latinxs who also saw me as a fellow Latina! Of course, I never forget the history and legacy of my Dad’s side of the family, but growing up in Japan my entire life – on the other side of the planet from my abuelos, tios, and primas – and not speaking much Spanish, I’ve grown accustom to identifying myself primarily as Asian, and secondarily as American. Now that I have lived in the U.S., I’ve learned a lot more about myself in terms of ethnic, racial, and cultural identities than I could have possibly anticipated four years ago. This is such a powerful and unexpected gift I’ve received from my education in the United States…especially for someone like me, who has always had an American passport/accent/education but no real experience living in a country where race and ethnicity play such an integral and central part in every day life. I’ve learned to not shy away from or simplify my family and personal history; I’ve learned to embrace all the complexities that come with being mixed race, mixed culture, mixed language, mixed values.
On Saturday, Dad and I took a beautiful walk around the lake. He shared with me stories about his own collegiate journey – being the first and only person in his nuclear and extended family to go to college (on a full scholarship. go dad!) and being a first generation immigrant student in the 80s. Hearing him recount his (not so) recent past confirmed my understanding that my being at Wellesley is no coincidence. The fact that my parents children, my brother and I, go to Brown University and Wellesley College is no miracle. We are the products of the hardships and sacrifices of our parents and foreparents. I cannot take for granted the immense opportunities I have been given here at this college because not everyone has the privilege of being able to have this kind of education.
The liberal arts education I am receiving at this institution has shaped the person I seek to be. I want to be the kind of person who does not shy away from adversity, who embraces and the difficulties that come with living on the precipice of blind, ignorant privilege and empowering, inclusive learning. In the past three years, I’ve learned how to listen, digest, unlearn, and teach. I’ve learned how to be an active and positive member of a community – to take what I need and always give back. I’ve learned how to embrace my own flaws and grow from that embrace. I’ve learned how to embrace others in the process of my own learning, which only enhanced my own education. I’ve learned how to communicate in spoken and unspoken languages. I’ve learned why good intentions aren’t enough. I’ve learned the importance of solidarity, of dependence AND independence, of being part of a whole and being whole.
As I begin the second half of the last fall semester I’ll ever experience at Wellesley, I find myself having to answer the question “how are you feeling (as a senior approaching the end of her undergraduate education)?” I often answer the question with “overwhelmed!” or “lost…” or “confused.” And all of these answers are true. I am overwhelmed with the idea of having to decide the course of my life after I leave this school, this community I have grown so close to. I am feeling lost in the process of looking for careers I want to delve into post-grad. I am feeling confused about what I should be focusing on, and what I should be doing next. But I’m also feeling – for the first time in a while – so very optimistic about my future.
Despite everything else, I am undoubtedly more confident and comfortable in my own skin than I’ve ever been. I have a better understanding about my purpose in this life. I am invested in the progress and growth of a community that I will be physically leaving in 7 months, but will hold dear to my heart for the rest of my life.
Yikes. I sound old.
I kinda like it though ^_^
