Hello everyone 🙂
Best wishes for a rainy Wednesday! Today is Lake Day too, which is one of Wellesley’s traditions. Historically, select Wellesley students would chalk on our sidewalks during the night, so that when campus woke up, everyone discovered that classes and activities were cancelled! The date of Lake Day was kept very secret, and depended partly on when the most beautiful fall day dawned. Sadly, in the intervening years since Ginny (my Neuro 200 lab instructor who recounted this story to me) was first teaching, Lake Day has become more of a contained affair. Nevertheless, I know there are many students who, regardless of the rain (Lake Day’s been cancelled twice this year because of rain, so I suppose they just gave up ;)), will head down to Severance Green during community time today (12:30-2pm on Wednesdays) to eat fried dough and participate in a Wellesley tradition :).
This past weekend was beautiful, and you’ve only to look at the gorgeous picture Lori posted about Fall Break to see for yourself. For my fall break, I spent an entire day not doing anything—I know, I know, I feel guilty already ;)—and then did schoolwork and miscellaneous activities with friends for the rest of it :). It was so nice to have some time away from school both to get work done and to hang out with friends, and I feel much recovered from last week :). I also ended up watching some excellent movies, including Hercules and How to Train Your Dragon, spent an entire day doing research in Boston, and slept in without an alarm!
We’re back in the groove already though, and prepping for my math test on Friday. I feel like my life is a perpetual cycle of preparing for tests… and yet it’s so nice when you feel the joy of it, when you’re doing problem sets and you struggle with a problem and you think about it and you back to it and then you’ve got it. I’ve been working hard at appreciating my math homework (heehee), and I’m actually sort of liking how nicely Taylor Series work out. That, and I’m moving into my professor’s office (I really like Professor Fernandez—he’s very available, always calm and helpful, and is always very prepared.)
Something I wanted to talk about this week was the process of studying abroad. This is my semester to decide (we decide if want to go first semester sophomore year, and then we travel abroad during fall/spring/both semesters junior year). I know that my swimming friends Gabby and Tiffany have both tentatively decided to head to China and Spain respectively, so I’ve brought it up as a discussion point at team dinners. I’ve also asked Dean Stephen, my parents, and more friends, with the conclusion that I still have no idea if/where I want to go :). Dean Stephen had some particularly relevant advice: Figure out what you want from study abroad (classroom vs culture experience, English vs language speaking, semester vs full year), and I and the study abroad office will help you from there. Which leaves me with nothing to do about the problem but think about it, because the question really is what do I, not my parents, not my friends want?
What a marvelous question to have to pose to myself, because it is remarkably self-centered and is basically offering me completely free reign over my future and any opportunities I want to pursue. However, my reply to Dean Stephen was along the lines of the whine “Well, I had it completely figured out last year…” Last year I was going to be a professor at a major research institution, stay here for all four years, get into the Albright Institute, go to Harvard Graduate School, etc. etc. Many of these goals have remained, but they’ve all changed in some ways, as I’ve learned more about the kind of work these goals entail, and less expectedly, more about myself. What if I don’t want to do research all of my life? What if I still want to stay in science, but I want to incorporate more creative writing into my future job? What does it matter, since I’m probably going to graduate school anyway? What happens if I don’t go to grad school? Can I even do that? I feel like I’m finally getting to the questioning phase most of my peers were at last year, when they didn’t know what they wanted to do with their lives but I had a plan for mine that extended a good 13 years in the future. It is very, very strange for me, just because I feel like I have know what is expected for me, and what I’d probably do, for so long. But now I don’t have to follow my parents’ expectations… and now I can’t just make appointments with people and have them tell me what to do; I have to figure out what I want to do for the rest of my life.
Not to make it sound dramatic or anything, because I fully expect this to be a lifelong process, as Dean Stephen reminded me. However, it’s one of the first times that I’ve really realized I’m not quite sure what I want, and my parents aren’t going to be able to direct me. Do I want to study abroad? How about after school, when I could do Peace Corps or Teach for America? Is that the best use of my time? Is that how I could most benefit society, or should I continue to take classes? Will I be happy in a slower-paced culture, or do I need school and tests and activities? Everyone has an opinion on what would best “fit” me, but really I’m the only one who can make that decision. I kind of like it, because it means I have so many choices and I can bring my path any way I want. I kind of dislike it, because it means work, but then again, I’ve always liked working hard to figure out what’s worth it to me, and then striving for it :).
Well, those are the sorts of musings going through my head along with Newman Projections and “where the heck did I leave my bike on this campus?” Due to these more quotidian affairs (heh heh, math test = office hours!!), I’m going to end this post here, and go run off and do schoolwork, what we all do best :). I’d really really love if you’d reply with a comment, but understand if not, and wish you a great rainy Wednesday. Best to you, and hope you have more luck with your continuing early-life existential conflicts, love,
Monica 🙂
Well, we didn’t end up going to Lake Day, but I spend some quality time (more than 3 hours) with friends in Professor Fernandez’s office hours :). We got all– wait for it– 9 questions done! Nevatha and Margaret– Julia, Jane, and Audrey had all left a little earlier because they were defeated by encroaching classes or opportunity costs (I thankfully set aside 3.5 hours for office hours). WE FINISHED AND GOT THEM ALL RIGHT! I am literally flushed with success ;P