We all occasionally have the need to correct others with whom we work, live and/or interact. We have tried responding to others’ behavior, only to be ignored or figuratively slapped in the face. There are ways to give less-than-glowing feedback that will have a better chance of being well received. Below are some tips for effectively giving constructive criticism.
The three main things to keep in mind are specificity, feelings, and requests for change.
Specificity
When someone hears, “You are ALWAYS doing that,” they often go into general denial mode because they haven’t been told the exact thing that is the problem, and they want to defend themselves. No one wants to be thought of as someone who constantly repeats bad behavior. If you can be specific about the issue, with examples of current events, you will have a better chance of being heard.
Feelings
Letting the other person know how their behavior makes you feel is a good idea. Nobody can argue with your feelings, and it keeps you from attaching negative labels to the individual.
Requests for Change
Having a specific request for modified behavior helps the other person know that there are avenues that can be taken. They might even propose a different solution. It allows for you both to explore options.
Here are examples:
Not as effective-
Person one: “You are always on your phone and it’s awful.”
Person two: “No I’m not. You are.”
One: “Hardly as much as you. I’m doing the work around here and you’re searching the internet.”
Two: “That’s crazy. I do my work. Leave me alone.”
As you can see, nothing is getting solved and the two people are in their corners.
More effective –
Person one: “Hey, could you look up from your phone for a minute? I’d like to talk about something.”
Person two: “Ok, yeah, give me a second.” (Person one gives the other person time to finish their text)
One: “Thanks. I would really like for us to work together better, and I think that you are spending too much time on your phone, like now; it is hurting our work and we are not as productive as we should be.”
Two: “I’m not on it that much.”
One: “Well, you were on it off and on all morning and at least an hour yesterday afternoon. I know we have personal stuff we need to do, but we have a ton of work, and we probably should have some kind of schedule.”
Two: “What do you mean?”
One: “How about if we turn our phones off each hour for 50 minutes and then reserve 10 minutes for personal phone time”?
Two: “That’s kind of regimented.”
One: “Maybe it is but I think it might be worth trying. I’ll bet we get a lot more done.”
Two: “Ok, we can both do it as an experiment and see if it helps.”
One: “Great, thanks for being willing to try.”
It’s important to make it about the issue, not about the person. We are prone to take many things personally and then go into defense mode. If you get the sense that the other person is taking it as a personal slight, you might want to address it head on and say very clearly that it’s about the phone – not about them. That individual is a good person. The phone is getting in the way of the work (or of the living situation, etc.) Hopefully they will be able to hear that, implement the changed behavior, and things will improve.
If you would like to role play a constructive criticism conversation with the Ombuds, please reach out!
