How do we approach conversations with people who have different political views, opinions, leanings, etc. from those that we hold? It’s especially important today, with the extreme polarization that we see, yet many are reluctant to engage with someone whose positions are different. Having discussions about challenging topics helps maintain or even deepen existing relationships and it broadens your own understanding and perspective of other people’s points of view.
Here are some ways to turn those difficult conversations into thoughtful discussions.
Approach the conversation with an open mind
Living, learning and working at this campus offers many opportunities to explore new ideas. When you listen with an open mind, you give space for others to express their thoughts and opinions and they, in turn, will feel safe and allow you to do the same.
Your cultural background has shaped your worldview. The person you are talking with may have a different cultural background and therefore will bring that perspective to the conversation. Acknowledging our differences is helpful in hearing other people’s views.
Avoid making assumptions. Instead, approach the conversation empathetically and consider the other person’s perspective and background.
Listen first, speak second
Give the person you are talking to your full attention when they are speaking. Remember that this is a conversation and not a debate. Therefore, try not to listen in order to formulate your response. Rather, be mindful about listening in order to understand. Repeat back to them what you heard. When it’s your turn to speak, have an expectation that they will give you their full attention and if they don’t, let them know that you both need to be able to share views without judgment. You can even set some “norms” before you even begin your discussion so that you are both clear about how it will go.
Use effective communication skills
Having good communication skills can help direct the conversation in a healthy way. Communicating an opinion coherently and with meaning allows you to engage more fully.
Here are skills to use when talking with someone with a different perspective on the topic than yours:
- Be mindful. Your passion about an issue may bring up strong feelings, so be aware of your tone of voice and your demeanor. Regulate your emotions.
- Ask open-ended questions. These can help draw out ideas or thoughts to gain a deeper understanding. Showing respect, even if you differ in your opinions, is important.
- Clarify by restating what you heard the other person say. If you misinterpret something, they can explain what they meant.
- Use affirmations. Even if you don’t agree with someone’s position, you can use affirmations to highlight the values and moral principles that you both share.
- Be assertive. Communicating your own values and opinions in a respectful manner is important.
- Be familiar with your subject. Calmly discuss facts, rather than speculation or opinion. Use neutral, non-combative terms as you speak.
- Find common ground. Your opinions may be far apart, but you can find something you agree on.
- Summarize the conversation by highlighting the positive aspects of what you discussed. Be sure to thank the other person for sharing thoughts. Keep in mind that you may not be able to change their opinion, at least you both gained insight into the other’s viewpoint.
Talking through differences can build trust, deepen relationships and help with unresolved conflicts. When we acknowledge each other’s perspectives, it builds bridges and allow us to learn and grow.
If you want to practice having “non-polarizing” political conversations, contact the Ombuds office and we can do some role-plays. Communication is key.
