Use ACTION in Responding to Microaggressions
Students Em Arnold Mages, Grace Fang and Timia Kennerly graciously volunteered to create these videos to demonstrate how to respond to microaggressions. I am most grateful for their good work:
https://drive.google.com/file/d/19sK4D6qfOcmWhCKbiw2kHOzds5Nft2iT/view?usp=sharing
Whether you are a target, an ally or a bystander, it is important to learn how to effectively and assertively communicate with a speaker who expresses micro- and macroaggressions.
Microaggressions occur when a person unconsciously communicates insulting or slight messages to members of target groups, usually people who are marginalized. These comments are subtle, often stated as a compliment but unconsciously demeaning, and they are insulting and hurtful to the victim. Often the comment is made by someone who has been able to live a more privileged life and the target is someone who is from a group that is implicitly viewed as “different,” due to factors such as race, gender, disability, sexual orientation, economic background, religion, etc. The speaker is often unaware that they said something insulting. Sometimes such comments are made by people within that same sub-group who are bullying and demeaning them. Often the person making the statement immediately is sorry when it is pointed out to them. They need to be reminded of the hurtful impact of their words, regardless of their intent, so that they are aware that such comments and conduct are unkind and disrespectful and need to stop. Most often these microaggressions are based on negative stereotypes and such hateful generalizations must be addressed up front and debunked.
Here are some examples of microaggressions:
- You don’t look Jewish/gay/black.
- Are your parents legal?
- Did you get a lot of financial aid?
- What are your people doing about the Asian flu?
- What do (insert race/national origin/religion) people think about this issue?
- The way you are dealing with your disability is inspiring.
- Why do you wear that (hijab, natural hairstyle, country-specific clothing)?
- Don’t be ridiculous – I’ll call you “she” because you were born a girl.
If someone points out that you committed a microaggression:
- You may feel defensive, embarrassed and/or ashamed. Be mindful of your emotions.
- Remind yourself that you did not intend to be harmful (if, in fact, that it true). If you did intend for your words to insult someone, you need implicit bias/anger management training.
- Focus on the impact of your words and:
- Acknowledge that the target’s feelings are valid;
- Specifically identify the impact(s) made by your comment(s) and recognize that it was a negative impact (even though it was not your intention)
- Genuinely apologize to the victim(s) to acknowledge your mistake and not for the purpose of receiving forgiveness. Learn more about microaggressions and be better next time.
There are three ways to respond to microaggressions: passive, aggressive and assertive.
PASSIVE: It is tempting and easy to put our heads in the sand and ignore microaggressions. The problem is that they are ubiquitous and when they occur over and over again, the build up of the “death by a thousand knives” has very real consequences on the target’s mental (and often physical) health. We cannot normalize microaggressions and we have an obligation to speak up, whether on behalf of ourselves or others.
AGGRESSIVE: All too often we fall into the trap of immediately slapping a derogatory label on the person who made the microaggression transgression. All of a sudden they are racist, misogynistic, moronic, xenophobic, islamophobic, or white supremacists. We take to social media and call them out, outraged that we observed such a scene. We don’t take the time or energy to have a conversation with the person and/or address it in a helpful manner because we get so much enjoyment and righteous indignation by broadcasting the sin to the world. This is not a good approach for many reasons, including the fact that it is not helpful either to the transgressor or the victim, it can lead to further hateful rhetoric that (again) is not productive, and it – is in actuality – another aggression aimed at insulting a person. The old saying of “two wrongs don’t make a right” is apt here. Be strong and resist the temptation of an aggressive response. It is throwing gasoline on a fire.
ASSERTIVE: This is what I constantly encourage everyone to do on campus and I ask us all to make this type of response our goal. An assertive communication to the speaker that is both empathetic and challenging is your best bet for making them aware of the hurtful statement, having them make a meaningful apology to the target, and ensuring that such behavior will not recur. Help the speaker realize that they are not under attack and that you are trying to help with understanding what just happened. Express yourself in a way that shows that you care for the speaker and assert yourself in a way that acknowledges your concern about this very serious issue. Emphasize that impact supersedes intent.
Suggestions for responding to someone who uses a microaggression – for targets, allies and bystanders.
When you need to respond, think of the acronym ACTION.
ASK FOR CLARIFICATION AND RESTATE WHAT WAS SAID
“I think I heard you say____________ (paraphrase their comments). What did you mean?”
Say this in a non-judgmental tone of voice so that you will encourage a conversation.
CHALLENGE THE STEREOTYPE
“I think that’s a negative and hurtful stereotype. It’s not accurate and it’s mean.”
Making an inference that a person is a “certain way” is a social categorization that creates divisions.
THE GOLDEN RULE IS APLICABLE HERE
“People need to be treated with respect. Would you like it if they said something like that about you or your family?”
The Golden Rule is a universal ethic of behavioral reciprocity.
DON’T ASSUME NEGATIVE INTENT BUT ACKNOWLEDGE IMPACT
“I assume you didn’t realize this, but when you said/acted __________ (comment/behavior), it was hurtful/offensive to (the target) and also to the people who overheard it because___________. “
“You say you didn’t ‘mean it like that,’ but that’s how it felt and the impact was hurtful.”
Impact is what a person did to the other person.
OWN YOUR FEELINGS – EMOTIONS ARE LEGITIMATE
“When you _____________ (comment/behavior), I felt/they probably felt ____________ (feeling) and I would like you to________________.”
Remember that no one can argue with your feelings – they are yours.
APPEAL TO NAMASTE VALUES AND PRINCIPLES
“I know you are a good person and really care about _________. Acting in this way really undermines those values.”
“Namaste” is respectful greeting and acknowledgement that there is a divine spark/value in each of us.
By being assertive and applying ACTION when we communicate with people who have committed microaggressions, we are helping our campus achieve a more empathetic and inclusive community. Rather than alienating people, we should strive to bring them together. Having direct, face to face communications by calling one another “in” will make a huge difference for us all.
If you would like to practice ACTION, the Ombuds Office is available for role play via Zoom – just make an appointment.
