Byerly Journal 4/13/13

Maud and Haley, 4/13/13:

I met with Maud and Haley together this week. They had both completed the second drafts of their second papers and sent them to each other and to me. I commented on both papers, but let them lead the meeting because I thought that hearing another person’s opinion would be most beneficial to them. Haley had some grammar comments about Maud’s paper (Maud continues to struggle with tenses and sentence clarity, although she is improving.), as well as suggestions to be clearer and more specific. I asked Haley whether she could find Maud’s thesis and, when she identified the incorrect sentence, we discussed how to make Maud’s thesis clearer and more obvious to the reader. We also discussed the “generality” of the conclusion. Haley stated that Maud’s paper flowed nicely and that her argument was clear throughout (although not in the thesis). Haley said that, after seeing Maud’s paper, she realized that her paper did not flow as well and lacked successful topic sentences. Maud came with very specific and comprehensive comments about Haley’s paper. She identified specific parts which could be clearer, but her main comment was the lack of successful topic sentences. We discussed the fact that topic sentences would help with both the flow and the clarity of the argument. I asked Maud to find Haley’s thesis and she also had trouble identifying the correct sentence. Maud and I agreed that the thesis did not accurately reflect Haley’s argument (The thesis weighed two different sides equally while the paper clearly favored one side.). We discussed ways Haley can improve her thesis and make it more accurately fit the paper. Finally, we discussed the “generality” of Haley’s conclusion and different ways in which both students can be more specific and “deep.”

I also met briefly with Maud and Haley individually. In my meeting with Maud, we went through my comments and I reiterated some of Haley’s suggestions. Maud was concerned that her paper did not contain enough sources and that she had, therefore, less to talk about (Haley had decided, on her own, to include about 5 sources.). She felt a little like she was squeezing something out of nothing. We discussed this concern and I stated that I thought it was positive that she was getting all she could out of two sources and not relying too heavily on other people’s arguments. In my meeting with Haley, we focused mainly on her topic sentences and transitions. We also spent some time discussing her new thesis. While discussing topic sentences, we realized that she had to move some information around in order for the new thesis to make sense. As we worked on different parts of the paper, it became clear that she needed to work on organization and further clarifying her argument before settling on topic sentences. I also gave Haley her mid-semester grade. She was hoping to get the grade a bit higher and seemed worried about all the work that she had to do to improve the current paper in a diminishing amount of time. She left the meeting somewhat discouraged.