On Tuesday, Delanie and I went over her second draft of her first paper. She filled many gaps in the first draft by making many more explicit connections for the reader and improving her topic and concluding sentences. We went through it together, paying special attention to transitions, and looking for repetitive phrases that should be “flags” that she can make her language more concise. I talked about the importance of careful proofreading to catch simple grammar mistakes, omitted words, etc. I had her do an online exercise in editing the passive voice, because she had 10+ passive issues in this draft. Finally, we discussed conclusions and directions she could take to have a broader, more powerful last paragraph. She said she was happy with her progress between the two drafts and surprised to realize how much she could add to her first effort. We don’t have class next Monday, but I asked that she send me her final draft by Saturday, and watch Dark Days and write a thought letter by the next Saturday.
In class last week, Estefania and I talked a lot about the structure of paragraphs, how each ideally presents and proves a certain point under the umbrella of the thesis, and how each paragraph break should feel purposeful/deliberate. Early this week, I took a reading response assignment that I had done for Professor Rodensky last semester and highlighted topic sentences, context, supporting details, conclusion, and transition within two separate paragraphs and shared them with Estefania because she asked for something to reference and visualize what we discussed. She turned in the first complete draft of her paper before class on Thursday, which had an impressive thesis and good voice from sentence to sentence, but felt incomplete. Also, the historical section of the paper was lost in too many names of people and places she had found in her research. We talked about how to clarify this into one coherent story, how to add to her analysis of some songs lyrics she included, and how to circle back to her thesis meaningfully in her conclusion. Her grammar and phrasing was very good but we spent a few minutes going over block citation. She definitely responded well to the three-story thesis document and the paragraph models. I think her next draft will be close to its final form, but we may go a bit into the next week, too, for a true third draft.
Happy Fall Break everyone!